The Random Adventures of Mello and Matt
by 1 DeathGoddess
Summary: It's The Random Adventures of Mello and Matt. Yay! Warning! Random Crackfic drabbles about Mello and Matt. OOCness and more! With special apparences by other characters.
1. The Godfather

Ok, so here are my series of Matt and Mello drabbles. They are just random adventures at random times. Yay for crack fic! Dedicated to Jenisa! Cause I wuv you! Woot!

* * *

**The Godfather**

So, shortly after Mello left the Whammy House, he realized that he would need help to beat Near in the race to catch Kira. Mello wasn't the kind of person who would just ask for help, but this was the kind of situation that required him to go outside his comfort zone.

So Mello went to the head of a shady organization that many referred to as being the Mafia. For some weird reason, the head of the Mafia was referred to as "The Godfather". Mello thought that as strange, but needed help nonetheless. So he went to his "hideout" in a shady part of town and met up with this "Godfather". He entered the office and the door was closed behind him, leaving the blonde 15 year old alone with this "Godfather" person. Their conversation went something like this….

"And you are?" The Godfather asked.

"I'm called Mello, sir."

"And what do you need?"

"Godfather, sir. I need your help."

"With what?"

"I need men to help me beat Kira."

"Kira? The one who is killing criminals?"

"Yes, like you."

"I am no criminal."

"Are you kidding? You're the leader of the Mafia!"

"You are mistaken. Aren't you a little young to try and be in the Mafia anyways?"

"That's none of your concern."

"I don't think that you would be good in the Mafia. My men would make fun of your appearance and age."

"What about my appearance?"

"You look like a girl to me, and no doubt my men….."

Of course, as many smarter people would know, you don't call Mello a girl. So no doubt something bad happened to this "Godfather" person. Right now, you're probably wondering where Matt is in all of this, because these are the Random Adventures of Mello and Matt. So, a few years later……

Matt had left the Whammy House too and was wondering what had become of Mello. He was actually smart enough to not leave as a minor, but waited until he was 18. Some of Mello must have rubbed off on him, because he decided to use the Mafia to find him. So he went to the same hideout and asked to speak with whoever was in charge. So Mafia people led him into the office of the Godfather. There was someone in a large, spinning chair, facing away from Matt.

"Godfather, I need your help." Matt asked the person in the chair.

"With what?" The person asked.

"I need to find a friend of mine."

"And who is this friend of yours?"

"His name is Mello. He's a blonde kid, likes to wear black, over emotional…"

"You mean like…." The figure spun around and behold! It was Mello. "…Me!"

"Holy Crap! It's you!" Matt jumped back in shock and stared at Mello.

"Mwahahaha, yes!" Mello laughed and grabbed a chocolate bar and started to pet it like a cat. Matt stared at this.

"What are you doing?" Matt asked, very confused.

"This is Choco kitty. He is delicious." Mello grinned and bit a piece of the chocolate bar.

"Okay. I guess I'll just hang here with you and your Mafia friends." Matt said and sat down on the couch and started to play his DS.

"Just like old times…." Mello said and leaned back in his chair.

* * *

Now this whole thing was thought up randomly after a strange discussion in my english class. As I said, crack! 


	2. Seven Days to Live

**Seven Days to Live**

So, one day, at the Whammy House, Matt and Mello were really bored.

"Hey let's go watch some TV or something." Matt suggested.

"Whatever." Mello mumbled and followed Matt to the TV room. They opened the door and saw Near sitting there, watching some movie. And of course, Mello found this a perfect time to be mean to Near.

"Hey Near, move! We want to watch some TV." Mello commanded. Mello and Matt stood there, arms crossed and looked down on the white-haired boy.

"I'm watching a movie now. You can wait." Near responded without looking away.

"That's too bad. We want to watch. So move or be moved." Mello insisted.

"You can wait to watch your porno later." Near stated calmly. Mello was so taken aback with insult, that he just stared at Near and then stormed angrily out of the room, followed by Matt.

Out in the hallway, Mello steamed and started to rant under his breath about "stupid Near….say that to me…." Matt just sat there, still bored. And for conversation sake, and to make Mello stop ranting, Matt asked,

"What movie was he watching anyways?" Mello looked up and pondered.

"I think it was 'The Ring'" Mello concluded. Matt thought about something.

"Hey, I think I know what to do!" Matt exclaimed.  
"What?" Mello asked, interested.

"Give me your cell phone." Matt told Mello, who had a cell phone.

"Why?"

"Just give it. You'll see." So Mello handed Matt his cell phone. So Matt waited until the movie was over, and Near was just about to take the movie out when Matt dialed.

Near, who also had a cell phone, checked and saw _unlisted number_. He didn't panic, although the movie did creep him out a bit.

"Hello?" Near said.

In a creep, deep, raspy voice, Matt whispered into the phone, "Seven Days…" and hung up. Now, being a little too young to watch a scary movie alone, Near was really freaked out. So, for once in his life, he burst up and ran out the door, down the hall, past Matt and Mello.

"Ahhhhhh!!!" Near screamed and ran down the hall, "She's going to get me!" Matt and Mello just fell on the floor laughing. After they were done, they went into the TV room and watched cartoons.

* * *

This is based on something my mom did to me. My mom actually called our house phone after I watched "The Ring" I totally freaked out. It was so mean. 


	3. Pat the Matt fish

Based on some random conversation I had with my friends at the Asian Art Museum in SF, here is more crack adventures.

* * *

**Pat the Matt fish**

Matt and Mello were just walking down the street in Japan. And for some reason, Matt got thirsty really easily. Every five minutes, he wanted to stop at some drinking fountain or get a bottle of water.

"Are you a freaking fish or something Matt?" Mello asked, frustrated that they had to stop so often.

"Yeah! I'm a fish! Why not?!" Matt yelled back sarcastically. Now, of course I know that Matt is not actually a fish, but it had become some whole weird concept. So now every time Matt got even more water, Mello just stood there and was angry.

So, on their way home, Mello was driving and Matt sat in the passenger seat. They began to go to an unfamiliar place, and it got eerie and foggy.

"Um, Mello. Where are we going?" Matt asked.

"It's a surprise…." Mello said.

"Oh! I love surprises!" Matt said excitedly.

**After more driving….**

"Mello, are we going the right way? We seem to be going to the ocean." Matt asked, a little more afraid.

"Shut up! I know where I'm going!" Mello yelled. After a few more minutes, Mello stopped the car. All Matt could see was fog.

"Where are we?" Matt asked.

"Just get out." Mello told him. So Matt got out of the car. He realized he was on a wooden floor. That's when Mello kicked at Matt from behind and Matt fell into the ocean, because they were actually on a pier. So Mello backed up the car and stepped on the gas, with just enough time to yell, "There you go fish boy! Go swim with your smelly fish friends!" So Mello went away and Matt was left in the middle of the ocean. So for the sake of the story, Matt was magically turned into a merman and swam around with his fish friends. After two days, Matt really started to hate being a fish because his video games would short circuit underwater and smoking was indubitably impossible. So he asked the fish people to make him human again. So they did and Matt was human. So he walked backed to the apartment and saw Mello sitting, watching TV without him.

"So, how were the fish?' Mello asked.

"They sucked." Matt said.

'Thought so."

* * *

Yeah, so that was my pointless, random drabble. Get over it. Also, I didn't name this chapter, my friends at the museum did. More special adventures to come! 


	4. Rhyme Time

**Rhyme Time**

OK, so, Matt and Mello were sitting in their apartment, working on the Kira case. Matt came to a realization.

"Mello. Do you know that your name rhymes with a lot of words?" Matt asked.

"What? What are you talking about, Matt?" Mello snapped.

"Well, Mello rhymes with a lot of words; Mello, jello, cello, hello, fellow, bellow, yellow….." Matt started to count on his fingers.

"Ok! I get the point!" Mello yelled and went back to his laptop. There a few moments of silence……

"Hey Mello. You want some jello?" Matt asked casually.

"No thanks." Mello said. Matt held back a laugh. After a few more moments….

"Hello Mello. Are you a fellow?" Matt said, muffling a laugh.

"Shut up Matt!" Mello yelled. Matt burst out laughing.

"HAHA! Hey Mello, do you play a yellow cello?" Matt laughed and fell backwards onto the floor. Mello steamed on the couch.

"Well, you know what?…You're a prat, Matt! HaHA!" Mello retorted.

"Haha, you bellowed."

"Matt's a cat!"

"Jello the marshmellow!"

"Well….you're fat, Matt!" Mello finished. Matt gasped in horror.

"That…that was too far…." Matt whimpered from the floor. Mello looked down.

"Oh. I'm sorry." Mello murmured. Matt looked up.

"Your hair is yellow….ACK!" Matt gasped as Mello sat on top of him.

"Haha. I sat on Matt." Mello smiled

* * *

Wow..…I must have eaten too much sugar to come up with that. 


	5. Dreams

**Dreams **

Mello was having a lovely dream in his bed late at night. Something involving him buying out Hershey's chocolate and Near being forced to fetch him hot chocolate. He was just about to revel his new chocolate bar idea when he heard from outside of his dreams, a horrible screaming.

"Ahhh!! They're coming!! They're coming!!!"

So Mello jumped out of his bed, grabbed the gun under his pillow and ran to the source of the screaming, which was of course, Matt. He burst into Matt's room in his pajamas (whatever Mello might wear or not wear when he goes to bed) and looked around for something to shoot.

"What!? What!? What is it Matt!?" Mello demanded. Matt looked up, sitting in his bed, terribly frightened.

"The spiders…." He whispered.

"What!?" Mello yelled.

"Yeah. There were some pretty butterflies. And I skipped around with them in this sunny meadow. Then these giant spiders came and started to attack. They almost ate me!" Matt explained.

"Oh God…..That's the last time we see ANY Harry Potter movies." Mello sighed and started leaving the room.

"Wait!" Matt called. Mello turned around.

"What is it NOW?!"

"Will you give me a hug?" Matt held out his arms. Mello stared awkwardly at him.

"I'm not going to hug you." He huffed.

"But WHY???" Matt whined.

"Do you really need an explanation?" Matt looked very hurt and pouted. "Alright! Hug…" And Mello hugged Matt. "Feel better?" Matt shook his head up and down. "Ok then. I'm going to bed."

"WAIT!!" Matt yelled again.

"What!?" Mello turned around again.

"Will you stay with me and protect me from the spiders?" Matt smiled.

"No!" Mello yelled and stomped out.

""I wuv you, Mello!" Matt called.

"Arg! Shut up!" Mello turned around and shot his gun right above Matt's head. Matt jumped and dived under the covers. Mello stomped back into his room and heard a distant call…..

"I still wuv you!!"

* * *

Sorry its been a while. I was taken against my will on a family car trip for a week and a half. Seriously, who whats to go to a Hops mueseum?! And I missed the Naruto Hundo 100th episode premire! Well, I'm back. 


	6. Lost in the Woods Part 1

Seriously people, why the hell are they going camping? Cause I'm insane, that's why. Also, my fanfic!

* * *

**Lost in the Woods (Part 1)**

"Mello, I'm bored." Matt said one day.

"Ok..." Mello didn't pay attention that much.

"I think we should...go camping!" Matt burst out.

So, for some reason, Matt and Mello decided to go camping. Matt was really bored and had heard of camping before and wanted to try it. Mello didn't really want to go, but Matt "convinced" him in ways unknown and left for others to imagine. Mello basically decided it would be a nice break from the Kira Case. So, Mello and Matt packed up the random stuff that you need for camping. They stuffed a tent, clothes, chocolate and maps into the car. Matt was very sad, because Mello wouldn't let him bring anything more then his PSP with him in the car.

So after hours in the car...

"Let's play a game." Matt suggested.

"Why?" Mello asked.

"I'm bored." Matt said.

"You have a short attention span, don't you?"

"No, it's just...Oh look! Out of state, license plate!" Matt pointed to a Nevada license plate. (There in LA by the way.)

After more random games, like the alphabet game, poking Mello at random times and playing his PSP, Matt finally stopped being bored. Well, actually, the arrived at the campground. Mello was sick of being stuck in the car and pulled into the closest, open campground. Mello and Matt stretched after getting out of the car. Mello looked around and saw a whole bunch of RVs.

"Why didn't you sat we could of brought an RV?" Mello yelled at Matt.

"Because this makes us more woodsy!"

"You were really deprived as a child, weren't you?" Mello sighed.

So then Matt and Mello attempted to use their genius to put up the tent.

"Ahhh! The pole almost poked out my eye!" Mello screamed.

"Help! I'm stuck!" Matt twisted around on the ground, being smothered by tent material.

"I'll save you Matt!" Mello attempted to untangle Matt.

* * *

After finally finding the instructions and putting up the tent, Mello and Matt unpacked the car. After some time, a family came up to Matt and Mello. There was a father, mother a daughter and son. 

"Um, excuse me. We reserved this spot." The father said. Matt and Mello glared at them.

"Sorry, we got here first." Mello said.

"Well, we reserved it. So pack up and leave." The mother said.

"No! Do you know how long it took to put up that tent?" Matt complained and pointed at a poorly, set up tent.

"It looks funny." The daughter said.

"Well," Mello sighed. "I don't want to leave, do you Matt?" Mello asked and pulled out his gun and casually scratched his head with it, showing it off. The family backed up in fear.

"Nope." Matt smiled.

"Come on everyone. Back in the car, they're a bunch of psychos." The mother said. The son stayed behind and walked up to Matt. He kicked Matt in the shin and said,

"Stupid raccoon man!" And he walked to join his family. Matt hopped on his good leg, clutching his hurt leg. He lost his balance and fell on the tent, collapsing it.

"Great..." Mello sighed and went to get the instructions again.

* * *

Later, Mello was hungry. 

"Matt, was did we bring to eat?" Mello asked and searched through the car.

"Well, there are some soup cans. We can cook those." Matt said.

"On what?" Mello questioned and looked around.

"A fire...oh, yeah. we need to make one." Matt remembered.

So, they gathered a pile of wood, and poured some gas on it. Matt took out his lighter and lit the wood. It burst suddenly into a large flame. Mello screamed and ran behind a rock.

"Ok, it's lit and...Mello?" Matt said and found Mello behind the rock, rocking back and forth, clutching his face.

"Must be post-traumatic stress." Matt decided and went to make soup. (Poor Mello)

After burnt soup-in-a-can, it was time for S'mores!

"Finally, chocolate." Mello cheered. Matt handed him a marsh-mellow.

"What the hell is this for?" Mello asked.

"For the S'more!" Matt said.

"And infect my chocolate? No." Mello said. So Mello just ate chocolate and Matt made s'mores. At one point, he accidentally flung a flaming marsh-mellow at himself, and ran around screaming as Mello tried to pull it off. Later, it was bedtime...

"It's a bag! I'm not sleeping in a bag!" Mello protested when Matt showed him the sleeping bags.

"But it's fun. Oh! And wear this!" Matt held up PJs with little chocolate bars on them. "It'll be like a sleepover!"

"This is some, sick fantasy of yours, isn't it?" Mello asked.

"No..." Matt said.

* * *

"It's cold." Mello shivered in his sleeping bag and scooted closer to Matt. 

"Awww, I love you too." Matt giggled.

"You weirdo! God! I feel like Near in these PJs!" Mello huffed and went to sleep.

The next morning, Matt woke up very groggy.

"ifhs ish morshing.." He mumbled. Mello woke up.

"Thank God!" He yelled and tried to jump out of the sleeping bag, but got tangled.  
"Ahh! Help! It's eating me!" Mello screamed.

"I'll help you Mello!" Matt declared and jumped on top of Mello.

"Get off me, you rapist!" Mello cried.

* * *

"Let's go hiking!" Matt cheered. 

"Sure." Mello said and looked at the map. So they began their long hike through the woods. It wasn't very pleasant. They didn't think to bring water, but only chocolate and cigarettes.

"I'm dying of thirst." Matt collapsed on a log.

"Must...live!" Mello collapsed besides him. After catching their breaths, Mello asked where they were. Matt took out the map and looked at it. He traced his finger over their path, flipped it around many times and finally said..

"I don't know."

"You mean we're lost?" Mello yelled in panic and grabbed the map, hoping it wasn't true. But he couldn't figure it out either. He sat and put his head in his hands, in mortification.

"We should call someone." Matt said.

"Who? The park ranger? We'll be dead by then." Mello groaned.

"You're such a drama queen..." Matt said. Mello threw a rock at him, but missed.

"Fine. I'll call...Near." Mello decided.

"Does Near know how to get us out of here? He doesn't even know how to dress himself! He wears his PJs everyday!" Matt pointed out.

"Quiet..." Mello said and pulled out his cell phone. There was one bar. "Thank you good service. Please work..." Mello begged and dialed.

"Hello? Mello?" Near's voice came from the other end.

"Oh My GOD! Near! Help! Matt and I are lost in the woods!" Mello cried.

"And why should I care?" Near said.

"Because we are going to die!" Matt screamed at the phone.

"You are not going to die. Don't be over dramatic." Near said. Mello couldn't help but give Matt a smile of revenge.

"Near. We need your help. Can you track the location of my phone and give us directions?" Mello asked.

"Yeah. I guess. Hold on..." Near told them and went away. There was a ruffling sound behind Matt and Mello.

"Oh crap! What's that?!" Mello whispered in panic. _**ROAR!!!!**_

"Ahhh! Bear!!" They screamed and started running for their lives. The bear began to pursue.

Near came back on. "Ok guys...is that a bear?" He asked, hearing the roaring.

"It's going to eat us!!" Mello cried into the phone. "Oh crap!" Mello swore as he stumbled over a rock and the phone slipped from his hand.

"Run faster!" Matt screamed. The bear chased them, until they reached a rock wall. There was no escape. Matt and Mello backed into the wall. The bear closed in. Matt and Mello hugged each other, facing the end.

"I don't want to die!" Mello cried. "At least we're together."

"Yes. I'm sorry I hid your chocolate all those times. I just care for your health." Matt admitted.

"Matt, I'm sorry I'm angry all the time. I also have secret fantasies about you!" Mello said quickly.

"Wait, what?" Matt asked, in shock.

_**ROAR!!!**_

"Ahhh!!!" it seemed to be the end.

So Matt and Mello got eaten, and Near was left to catch Kira. And millions of fan girls were very sad...Just kidding!

"Ahhh! Go away!" A female voice came from the bushes. A teenage girl came out and waved a stick around. The bear got confused and wandered off. Matt and Mello stared in shock, getting over their near death experience.

"Are you guys ok?" She asked. They nodded stiffly. "Where are you guys from?"

"We're lost." Matt told her.

"Do you guys want to come back to my camp and get a ride home." She asked. They both nodded vigorously.

* * *

Yay! The joys of camping. Part two coming next!

-1 Death Goddess


	7. Lost in the Woods Part 2

**Lost in the Woods (Part 2) **

So Matt and Mello followed the strange girl through the woods to her camp. At the moment, they just wanted to go home. The three of them came out of the woods to the camp. But it looked more like a summer camp.

"Welcome to Camp Deer Pine!" The girl cried.

"What kind of name is that…..what's your name again?" Mello asked.

"It's Camo, short for Camouflage!" Camo smiled.

"What?" Matt asked, very confused.

"It's my camp name, all the junior counselors have them." She explained. Then she looked around. "I should go find my buddy. I lost her." She said and walked down the path. Matt and Mello followed, very confused.

"Camo! There you are!….Who are they? There are no guys at Girl Scout camp." The other girl said.

"Oh Minty, I found you. This is Matt and Mello. They were lost in the woods. So I'm bringing them to the office so they can get home." Camo told Minty. Mello turned to Matt.

"A Girl Scout camp?" Mello questioned the whole situation.

"Does this means that we are surrounded by a whole bunch of girls who haven't seen a guy for weeks?" Matt wondered.

"Don't be a perv. They're probably a way younger." Mello slapped him upside the head.

"I was just kidding." Matt yelled back.

"Umm, sorry to interrupt, but I'll take you to the office now." Camo said. She had them follow her down the path some more until they reached a cabin-like building.

"Um, thanks." Mello muttered and they went inside.

* * *

After going in, and explaining their situation to the office people, they had arranged to be transported to the campsite they had all their stuff in later that day. They met more people with strange names, some after animal, plants and other random things, like Kibbles and Cookie. Some of them smelled strange and Matt and Mello rather didn't want to ask why. They were invited to spend the rest of the say in camp until they could be taken to their campsite. Matt really wanted to smoke, but no one had any cigarettes, and he felt like dying the entire day. That was the problem with addiction. They wandered around the main camp. One of the office people invited them to dinner at the dinning hall and told them that they could be taken back right after dinner.

"_You can ride in my little, red wagon!!_" They crazy girls screamed. And the rest repeated.

"_Front seat's broken and the axel's draggin!!!_" They continued. Matt and Mello sat in the back of the singing logs, hugging each other, again in fear.

Summer camp was scary.

* * *

Matt and Mello sat down in the dinning hall. And ate….camp food. Matt swore he saw the chicken move by itself. The little girl next to Mello kept on going on about her day and asked if his outfit was uncomfortable and generally annoyed him. It was one was their most miserable, smelly adventures. When dessert came, it was chocolate pudding. Mello grabbed it all and growled at the little girls when they tried to get some. The little girls whimpered and were very sad. When they started to sing again, Matt and Mello twitched slightly, feeling their sanity leaving them.

"I bet this is a plot of Kira's to drive us insane." Mello told Matt.

"Mello, how would Kira be able to do this? Stop blaming Kira for everything bad that happens."

"I LIKE blaming Kira!" Mello growled and scared Matt, who inched away. Finally the campers all left and they were led to a really big van. They got in and the driver started to started to drive.

"So, how did you like our camp?" The driver asked.

Matt and Mello sat and twitched all the way back to their campsite.

* * *

And this is why I shouldn't go to summer camp and be denied things like manga for extended periods of time. Thank god it's over. I'll be thinking or more random aventures soon!!

-1 DeathGoddess


	8. Chocolate Fest

In a town not so far away from mine, there is an event. An event so wonderful, that it has become an adventure for Mello and Matt to go on…..

* * *

**Chocolate Fest**

"Matt, where are we going?" Mello asked in the car. Matt had forced him into yet another adventure and they were now driving to some mysterious place near San Francisco.

"I told you it's a surprise. Can't you just enjoy a surprise for once in your life?" Matt complained. But Mello was kind of worried, after the whole "fish" incident. What could Matt be planning? So after some driving, the car stops in front of…a church?

"And why are we at a church?" Mello stared angrily at Matt. Matt said nothing and pointed up to a huge banner over the doors to the church.

"Oh…My….God!!!" The banner said,

_**Chocolate Fest 2008**_

"Yay!" Mello jumped up and down retardily (you know exactly how I mean, you've all done it.) "I love you Matt." Mello hugged Matt tightly.

"_In your face, Near."_ Matt thought evilly and smiled.

"Let's go!" Mello shouted and dragged Matt inside.

So inside, Mello and Matt came up to the ticket booth. Mello stood next to Matt impatiently as Matt got the tickets. After verifying the tickets, the lady at the booth said,

"You can go in now."

"Woo!" Mello cheered and ran inside. Matt put his money back.

"So nice for you to take your girlfriend here. What a nice idea for a date." The old lady said to Matt. Matt stared at her and said nothing. Then he just walked away.

* * *

**Inside the exhibit hall….**

"Chocolate! Yay!" Mello screamed and ran around to every booth. He grabbed as much chocolate as he could and walked to a table to sit down and eat it. Matt followed and sat down next to Mello. As Mello ate, Matt got kind of bored and pulled out his PSP. Mello got up more times and got even more samples, not even bothering to hear the promotional offers for all the chocolate companies there.

"Hey, is this seat taken?" A girl walked up to Matt and asked about the other seats at the table.

"Um, no." Matt said and went back to his game.

"Over here, Cat. Bring your load of chocolate over here." The girl said. The two of them sat down across from Mello and Matt. The one who asked about the seat had black hair and only a small plate of chocolate, while the other one, named Cat had a large plate of chocolate and was shoving them down almost as fast as Mello. The weird thing was they were both blonde.

"Well, I'm done Stephanie." Cat said. "I'm getting more." Cat said and left.

"Hmmm, I need more too." Mello said and got up to refill his plate for the tenth time.

"They're going to get fat that way." Stephanie commented.

"The horrible things is, no, they won't." Matt sighed. Both collapsed in despair on the table. After a few minutes, there was an argument.

"No! It's mine bitch!"

"No, you metero-sexual! I was here first!"

"Oh no…" Matt though and went inside. He went inside and saw they obvious cause of the commotion. Mello and that girl, Cat, were fighting over a piece of chocolate cake, the last piece of chocolate cake.

"Give it here!"

"No!"

"Stop!!!" An organizer of the Fest yelled over them. They stopped. "There is only one way to settle this…."

Mello and Cat sat across from each other at the table. Matt and Stephanie stood on the side, in embarrassment.

"Now, the first one to finish their plate of chocolate, wins the piece of cake, and two free tickets for next year's Chocolate Fest." Mello and Cat nodded and stared each other down.

"Ready, set, GO!!!" The organizer yelled. And Mello and Cat started at the plate of chocolate in front of them and gobbled it down. They kept going and going. After half of the plates were done, they both started to slow down. After a few more minutes, Cat hurled.

"Great." Stephanie and Matt said unenthusiastically at the same time.

"Woo! I win!" Mello cheered. The crowd cheered along with him

"Congrats. You have won this piece of cake and tickets for next year! Now you can take your boyfriend again." The organizer announced. Mello slowly turned to him.

"What?? What are you implying!?" Mello yelled and went for his gun.

"Ahh! Got to go now everyone! Thank you!" Matt waved and dragged Mello out by and ankle.

"No! Chocolate! I'm sorry! No more violent outbursts! Just let me go back!!" Mello cried and tried grabbing the ground as he was dragged along.

"You have your cake, and all the other chocolate we have at home. Don't complain!" Matt said, frustrated and pulled Mello into the car. Mello sat down, sadly.

"Are you going to eat your cake?" Matt asked and started up the car.

"Naw. I'm full. You want it?" Mello smiled and held out the cake. Matt bashed his head into the wheel of the car many times.

"Damn. That dragging ruined my manicure. Matt! Stop by the nail salon, I need fillings done!" Mello commanded. It wasn't a surprise that Matt slipped some GHB into Mello's food that night.

* * *

LOL Date rape! XD No, not really. A lesson has been learned here….. 

Near: **Taking notes **Slip drugs…… into …..chocolate….And must…..kill…..compitition(aka Matt)….

I had to include my friend and I in that story. We went to Chocolate Fest and agreed Mello should be there. So, now he is.


	9. A Thanksgiving Adventure

Twisting reality, raising the dead….Matt and Mello are hosting Thanksgiving for the entire Death Note cast. Because…..I said so???

* * *

**The Random Thanksgiving Adventure**

"Awww!" Mello looked at his e-mail and complained.

"What?" Matt walked into the room and asked.

"Apparently we're hosting Thanksgiving this year." Mello said and showed Matt the e-mail that they had been sent.

"Great. Does that mean everyone is coming over here?" Matt groaned.

"Yep. Now we have to go buy stuff." Mello sighed.

_**At the Supermarket….**_

"Let's see…" Matt looked at the shopping list. "We need to get a turkey, stuffing, rolls and….don't we need a big table and chairs or something?"

"We'll manage. Near and those Kira faces can sit on the floor. We have enough seats for everyone else."

"If you say so?" Matt said. Mello glared at him. "I'm just going to find a turkey…" Matt slipped off into one of the aisle. So Mello went to go find the rolls alone.

"Hmmm, rolls…rolls…." He thought and searched the bread sections.

"Ah! Here we go." Mello easily found the rolls and put them in the cart. "Now stuffing. Where is the stuffing? What IS stuffing?" Mello wondered. So Mello went to the boxed food section, pushing his cart like little housewives do. Being that it was close to Thanksgiving, he found many types of boxed stuffing easily. There were many kinds…

"What the Hell?! Which do I get!? They all look the same!" Mello panicked and started desperately trying to determine the differences in each brand.

In another aisle… 

Matt wandered on over to the meat section to find a turkey. He wandered just in time to see that there was only one left.

"MINE!" Three mothers and Matt shouted at the same time and dove for the turkey like animals. Amongst the carnage, a burst of smoke irrupted.

"Ahh! Can't see!"

"Blindness! My contacts!" Matt walked out of the smoke cloud with the turkey in his arms.

"Damn, those come in handy." He smiled. Matt went to find Mello at the check out.

"Mello, why do you have five types of stuffing?" Matt saw the cart full of stuffing and asked.

"There's so many! I don't know what to get! Don't judge me!" Mello erupted.

"Ok…."

"What IS stuffing?" Mello muttered to himself.

_**Back at the……uh….apartment….**_

"Do you know it takes like three hours to cook a turkey? Not to mention I have to shove stuffing up its butt?" Mello complained.

"Yeah!? Well you have two hours before people arrive. So get cooking Betty Crocker!" Matt commanded and slapped his ass.

"I hate you…" Mello said and went back to the turkey.

_**Later….**_

**Ding Dong!**

Matt opened the door.

"Oh hi L, Misa, Raito." Matt said and let the three of them inside.

"Hi Matt." L said.

"We brought mashed potatoes and…green …stuff." Raito showed him the bowls.

"Oh! Green stuff!" Matt said sarcastically. "Hey Mello! We got guests!" Matt shouted towards the kitchen. (yes, apparently they have a kitchen)

"What?" Mello came out. "Oh! Hi guys."

"Nice apron Mello. It matches your eyes…." Raito pointed out the _Kiss The Cook_ apron.

"Shut up! It's all I could find!" Mello shoved a wooden spoon in Raito's face.

"Hey! Misa has one just like it!" Misa added.

"Great…" Mello said and turned angrily back to the kitchen.

"Misa cooks?" L wondered to himself.

"So where are the drinks? I think I need them already?" Raito asked Matt.

"I don't know, that was Near's thing to bring." Matt shrugged.

**Ding Dong!**

Matt opened the door again.

"Where's Kami!?" A voice shouted.

"Oh great…" Raito said and turned away in fear from everyone.

"Hello! I brought cranberry sauce." Takada came in and showed her lovely jar of red stuff.

"Takada…" Misa growled.

"Amane…" Takada smiled evilly. Mikami walked in, holding a pie tin.

"Look Kami!" Mikami rushed up to Raito and smiled. "I got pie!"

"I see that….." Raito hid slightly behind L and mumbled.

"So where are we sitting? Why aren't there any chairs?" Takada complained.

"We have none. It's the floor for you." Matt shrugged.

"Was that the Kira whore I heard?" Mello stormed into the room.

"What do you want Mello?" Takada sighed and crossed her arms.

"Come whore! Help me make turkey!" Mello grabbed Takada and pulled her to the stove.

"Ahhh!!!" Takada screamed. Misa laughed and the rest just sighed or ignored it.

**Ding Dong!**

"Near." Matt scowled

"Matt." Near said, emotionless. Near walked into the now some-what crowded apartment. "I brought the drinks..." Near said and lifted the bag in his arms. Near got top-heavy and fell over backwards.

"No! Boozes!" Raito cried and went to console the bottles.

"Kami! I will get you more alcohol." Mikami proclaimed.

"Wait! Near's small body actually protected the drinks. It's fine." L observed.

"Yay!" Raito exclaimed and gather up the bottles and began opening them.

"Turkey time!" Mello came put proudly from the kitchen. Takada followed unwillingly.

"Nice apron." Near said.

"Just let me just hit him once!?" Mello shouted as L and Matt held him back from indenting Near's head with a turkey baster.

**_Dinnertime!_**

"So now we say what we are thankful for." Misa told everyone one. "Misa will go first. Misa is thankful for Raito."

"I'm thankful for legos." Near said.

"I'm thankful for Kami." Mikami said.

"I'm thankful for my wonderful TV career." Takada said.

"I'm thankful for sugar." L said.

"I'm thankful for being better than Near." Mello said.

"I'm thankful for Wii." Matt said.

"I'm thankful for appl….stop talking Ryuk! I'm thankful for stupid people who trust me." Raito said.

"OK. Now we can eat." Matt said. People started to eat.

"Nice job, Martha Stewart, in burning half the turkey." Raito said.

"Shut up and eat, Kira face!" Mello commanded. "Pass the rolls."

"Hey! You did that on purpose!" Takada yelled at Misa, examining the mashed potatoes on her dress.

"No Misa didn't…" Misa claimed.

"Who the hell is playing footsies with me!?" Raito asked.

"Drunk." Matt muttered.

"All I want is cranberry sauce. Sweet…cranberry sauce." L mumbled and enjoyed his large helping of 'red stuff'.

"Stacking…stacking...stacking green beans…" Near hummed. Mello got annoyed and threw a roll at the tower, killing it.

"Why do you let him be mean to you like that?" Mikami asked Near, who started stacking again.

"Because I know it's out of love." Near smirked.

"Hey! Where did the pie go!?" L noticed in fear and looked around.

Munch Munch Munch… 

"Raito!" Matt blamed.

"It wasn't me! I swear!" Raito protested.

"Kami loves my apple pie…" Mikami clapped.

"Hyuk Hyuk…"

"Ahh!! Ghosts!" Takada yelled.

"Ahhh!" Everyone screamed. Everyone ran outside the apartment, except Mello and Matt.

"Hahaha" Matt and Mello laughed after everyone left.

"This will teach them to make us host anything." Mello said.

"Yeah. Nice job putting the LSD in their rolls." Matt said.

"Rolls? I put it in the turkey Matt." Mello said and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh crap." Matt said.

* * *

Matt put on some heavy eyeliner and a dress shirt. Then he hung himself upside down in the closet. 

"My name is Vincent! I'm a bat!" Matt said and flapped his arms, drugged. Mello took pictures.

"This is for giving me GHB." Mello said triumphantly.

* * *

Just in time….Happy Thanksgiving everyone! More drugging! Woo! PS: Vincent is from Vampire Doll, and I'm convinced he's Matt's long lost brother. 

Mello and 1DG(that's me, btw): WHAT IS STUFFING!?


	10. Birthday

I'm writing this as a script because I feel like it.

* * *

**The Birthday Adventure**

Mello: So today, what are we doing today?

Matt: Didn't you know? It's 1 Death Goddess' Birthday!

Mello: Oh really? Isn't she the one that makes us go on all those weird adventures? And stuck us in a mental facility?

Matt: Yes. But come on, it was fun! So we should do something….

Mello: Fine.

_**Later…**_

1 Death Goddess: **Walks into apartment with dresses **Hey guys. Now I want you to wear these dresses and…

Matt and Mello: Surprise!

1DG: Ahh! What's this?

Mello: It's your birthday! It's a random tradition to jump out of nowhere on one's Birthday and scream at them.

Matt: And to also celebrate, we are talking you out on the town!

1DG: Out on the town? Woo! Yay! Actually, I'm scared….

_**On the town**_

1DG: Hey! Where are we going?

Mello: To dinner.

1DG: Oh yeah! I'm hungry.

_**Arrives at Restraunt**_

Matt: TADA!

1DG: This is McDonalds.

Mello: Yes! Everyone loves McDonalds.

1DG: But I'm a vegetarian….

Mello: _**Whimpers**_

1DG: Fine! Order me a shake and fries then.

Mello: Yay!

**Matt and 1DG sit at a table**

1DG: Ewww. These tables are nasty.

Matt: Don't complain. At least we did something for your Birthday.

1DG: I'm fine. At least I have you Mattie! **Hugs**

Matt: Awkward…

Mello: **At Resister **What do you mean there's no more chocolate shakes?!

Matt and 1DG: Oh boy….

Cashier: I'm sorry sir, we ran out of chocolate sauce.

Mello: What in the &!$# is wrong with you &!&# people!?

1DG: Don't cause another scene Mello, or I'll make a MelloxNear story!

Mello: Ahh! Fine.** To Cashier,** Just get me strawberry….**Gets orders and sits**

1DG: Thanks for this, guys. Even after the stuff I've done to you.

Matt: No, it's fine. I did enjoy watching Near being thrown out windows.

1DG: **slurps drink **You're welcome.

Mello: **Replaying image in mind** Hehehe

_**Back in the car**_

1DG: Can I drive? I have a permit.

Matt: I don't know….

Mello: Yeah, we're not 25, we don't count as an adult in the DMV's eyes. Curse you DMV!

1DG: Please??? **Puppy eyes**

Mello: Come on, it's her Birthday.

Matt: **Hands keys** Fine.

1DG: **Driving **Wheee!!! Get out of the way People! **Drives on sidewalk**

Matt and Mello: **Holding on tightly** Ahhh!!!

Mello: Just turn here for God's sake!

1DG: Sure thing **Turns violently **

Matt and Mello: Ahhh!!

**Car stops and everyone gets out**

Matt: Funny, I always imagined my death involving a car ride…

1DG: Whaaaa! Mattie! No!!! **Hugs again**

Mello: Ok then….

1DG: So where are we?

Mello: The SPK.

1DG: Why?

Mello: To bug Near.

1DG: Hooray! I'm coming Cotton ball Fluff! **Runs inside**

**Matt and Mello follow**

_**In the SPK**_

1DG: **Slides in** tada!

Matt: **Slides in** TaDa!

Mello:** Slides in** TADA!!!

Near: Oh great….

1DG: I shall now use the ideas of my fan fiction to annoy you Cotton ball Fluff!

Matt and Mello: Whooo!!!

Near: I couldn't care less.

1DG: **Takes Shinigami puppet and throws it across the room** WHEEE!! Fly!

Near: Hey! That took forever to make!

1DG: Come here Near! **Picks up Near and plays Ring Around the Rosy **Matt! Mello! Join us!

Matt: Uhhh…

Mello: That's ok. You have fun.

Matt: So what do we do while she's occupied?

Mello: I don't know. I've always wanted to mess with Near's toys. Like his puppets and shit.

Matt: Sweet…..**Starts drawing on puzzles with Sharpie**

Mello: **Picks up a puppet** Holy shit! Is this me!? What is with my smile?! I look like a pedophile.

Matt: Why is there none of me?….**Cries inside**

Near: Get away from me! I won't dye my PJs pink!

1DG: **Holding dye **Awww, come on….

Near: No! I hate you! You shocked me repeatedly and had your friends lock me in a box.

1DG: Hey, be nice. It's my birthday.

Near: **Looks up **Really? OMG I have a present actually for you…

1DG, Matt and Mello: Really?

Near: Yeah hold on **Leaves and comes back, pushing heavy box**

1DG: I'm so excited. **Claps**

Matt: Mello.

Mello: Yes Matt?

Matt: I'm scared.

Mello: Me too.

Near: Ready?

1DG: Ready!

Near: **Clicks button, box folds open**

Matt: Oh…

Mello: My….

1DG: Yay!

Near: Here. You can keep Kira. I don't want him.

Raito: Ahh! What the hell?! Untie me you bastards!

1DG: Raito-kun! I love you! **Picks Raito up**

Raito: Hey! Put me down!

1DG: Come on Raito, it's time to get married.

Raito: No!!!!!!!!

1DG: Oh, before we leave. Mello, Matt…

Mello and Matt: Huh?

1DG: I need you to go somewhere for me…

**_Later_**

Matt: So this is the address?

Mello: Apparently. She said to go ask for someone named Kai.

Matt: Then let's go. Even though I'm not sure why we're here…

**Matt and Mello walk up to the door and rings doorbell.**

Kai: **Opens door** No mom! I don't want any more drugs!

Mello: Umm….we're looking for Kai?

Kai: **Stares blankly**

Mello: Um, hello? **Waves hand**

Matt: I think she's dead….or in shock.

Kai: All my dreams…have just come true….Mello!!! **Glomps**

Mello: Oh shit! I've been tricked to one of my fan girls' houses

Matt: This will be interesting.

Kai: Matt! **Points at Matt**

Matt: Yeah?

Kai: **Shoots Net launcher at Matt and captures him**

Matt and Mello: What the….?

Kai: Long time yaoi rival of Near! I have captured you, Mail Jeevas! Now Mello and Near can love in peace!

Mello: What?! No!

Kai: Oh yes! I'll kill you later Matt. But first….

Mello: Ahhh!!! **Is dragged into house and unspeakable things are done**

_**At a Church**_

Preacher: We are gathered here to day to join 1 Death Goddess and Yagami Raito in holy matrimony….

Other Raito fan girls: **Burst in **Never!!! You must share Raito.

1DG: **Runs away** So much for that dream…Well, I wonder if I have any cake to eat.…?

**Runs by a house and sees Matt, in a net**

Matt: Help me! She has Mello and she's going to kill me!

1DG: I know. It's her early Christmas present. But I'll save you Mattie! **Drags net and Matt away**

* * *

So that is the end of this chapter. It's my birthday btw! Yay! Party! Just consider this a special episode of the Random Adventures of Mello and Matt. 

Readers: What the….? Great, she's on the pills again….


	11. Creations

**Creations **

"Matt! Matt!" Mello ran into the room.

"What is it now?" Matt said, not really looking up from his PSP.

"I have come up with a list of the evil things Kira has done." Mello said excitedly, holing a long piece of paper.

"Really? Besides killing people?"

"Yes!" Matt stared. "Do you want to hear them?" Mello asked.

"Sure…"

"Okay, well first, white chocolate! I mean, what the hell? Blasphemy! How dare chocolate be the color WHITE!!?? Reminds me of Near…"

"Yeah, I guess." Matt didn't really care. Mello ranted often. It was just another one of those days…

"Next, fillers. No one cares about the fillers! Why must the media waste our time with such horrible, pointless….ARE YOU LISTENING!?!"

"What?! Yes! I'm listening." Matt jumped and responded quickly and turned off his game.

"Yes, so Kira invented fillers. Next, the International Baccalaureate Program! It's EVIL! Pure EVIL!! Making these poor children do an insane amount of work. For what? A slightly shinier diploma? It's evil!"

"Just like Kira." Matt murmured.

"YES!" Mello struck a pose.

"Of course." Matt said. "Umm, what about alarm clocks or something?"

"Yes, of course alarm clocks is on there…." Mello turned around and quickly scribbled something.

"Is that it?" Matt sighed.

"No! There is much more." Mello said. And so for the next hour, Mello listed all the evil things in the world and blamed them on Kira. The list was everything from Over-priced movie candy to Chinese Finger traps. After that hour, Matt was asleep on the couch, drooling from boredom. And Mello was still listing, even though no one was listening.

"Matt?" Mello finally noticed he was knocked out. "Matt…..??" Mello poked him. "Now who am I going to talk to?" Mello wondered. Again, their doorbell rang. (They are very popular people) "Hello?" Mello opened the door.

"Hello there sir. I'm selling chocolate for my club. Would you like to buy some? It's a very good cause." A teenage girl said from the other side, dragging a carton of boxes.

"Of course!" Said Mello, being that it was chocolate.

"Well, I only have white left if that's…"

"What? Gross. That's Blasphemy! How dare you even ask?!" Mello shouted at the poor girl.

"Please sir. I need it fro CAS hours for my IB diploma…" She pleaded.

"Away! Evil Kira supporter!" Mello screamed and slammed the door. Matt woke up.

"What did I miss?" He asked.

"I just help stopped Kira!" Mello proclaimed.

"Sure you did…." Then Matt went back to sleep.

* * *

Hehe. Sorry it's been awhile. Life has been distracting. And my imaginary ADHD doesn't give me much time to write. If you didn't get it, I'm in the IB program. And in the words of Mello, It's evil! Pure evil! 


	12. A Holiday Adventure

OMG! I'm back! Thank God! Studying for finals and taking finals lasts forever. Not a moment to write anything. Just in time for X-Mas. Another Adventure. I'm also starting up another long, epic story soon.

* * *

**The Holiday Adventure**

Mello came into the apartment with a large box.

"What is that for?" Matt asked, seeing it, and being slightly afraid.

"Why, it's almost Christmas Matt! We are going to celebrate." Mello said.

"Why?"

"Because it's Christmas! Everyone loves Christmas."

"Fine, whatever." Mello gasped at this.

"How can you be so negative?! It's Christmas! Be spirited!" Mello grabbed a Santa hat out of the box and shoved it on Matt's head.

"Woo…" Matt cheered. "Are you going to invite people over or something?"

"Hell NO! Not after Thanksgiving. Although it was quite interesting…" Mello said and took out the pictures of Matt in a closet.

"I thought you got rid of those?!" Matt protested.

"When did I say I did that? Come on, we have to go buy a tree." Mello said and raced out the door.

_**At the Tree Lot…**_

"Just pick a tree." Matt said and shivered. "New York weather sucks."

"Get over it. I'll find a tree." Mello said. So they wandered around for about an hour, trying to find the perfect tree, which everyone knows is about impossible. Matt started sneezing from the pine.

"How about this one?" Mello asked.

"I really don't care." Matt said.

"Why are you so depressing. Smile! It's Christmas godamnit!"

"Sorry, I guess it's just because my parents died around Christmas." Matt explained.

"Really?"

"Sure…."

"Aww, do you want a hug?" Mello opened his arms.

"No. What are you on?" Matt asked.

"Fine! Cause I don't want to give you one." Mello huffed and finally picked a tree.

So, after much huffing and puffing, Matt and Mello somehow got a massive pine tree to their apartment, up the stairs, through the door and erected it in the middle of the apartment.

"Thank God that's over. I'm going to sleep." Matt said.

"But we must decorate!" Mello told him and started opening boxes.

"Is this going to require more work?" Matt whined. Mello threw an ornament at his head.

After a few more hours of work, including Mello getting tangled by Christmas lights, Matt getting hit with more ornaments and a random group of people in black robes with katanas caroling to them, Matt and Mello were finally done decorating.

"I'm so proud of us. We did well. But I couldn't find the star for the top." Mello sighed.

"I swear you got into the drugs again…" Matt mumbled.

_**The next morning…**_

"Mello, I got you something." Matt said.

"Really?!" Mello's eyes sparkled.

"Yeah. I had to sneak out last night to get it. It's for the top of the Christmas tree."

"Huh?" Mello wondered and walked out to where the tree was and burst out laughing.

"Hey! Get me down from here!" Near cried, who was tied to the top of the tree.

"Yeah. I think the angel outfit also fits nicely. I think I've come to appreciate the Holidays a little more now." Matt decided. Mello was still laughing.

"This is the best Christmas gift ever! How did you do it?" Mello asked.

"How about you tell it Near." Matt said.

"Oh, you mean how you sneaked into the SPK, dressed as Santa, convinced me you were taking me to the North pole, then knocked me out, dressed me and tied to this tree?" Near asked.

"Yes, that."

"I hate you! I hate you all! You made me believe in Santa. Now my childhood is ruined." Near cried and kicked the air.

"You'll get over it. Hey Matt this is my present." Mello handed Matt a box. Matt opened it.

"Hmmm, interesting_. Death Note: Kira's Game._" Matt read the title.

"Yes, although I'm sure it has nothing to with the real Kira investigation or the Death Note." Near said sarcastically from atop the tree.

"Shut up Near! Angels on trees don't talk!" Mello commanded.

"So now what?" Matt asked.

"Well, we could torture Near, or do something outside, like Ice Skate." Mello suggested.

"Either one is good." Matt said.

"Let's go Ice Skating. We'll torture Near later." Mello said.

"Whatever turns you on babe…" Near smiled. Mello threw an ornament at Near's head and hit.

"Are you sure about the albino?" Matt asked and glared slightly at Near.

"Maybe he can come. Holiday spirit and all. Hey Near! You want to go Ice skating?" Mello asked.

"Yes, anything to get down and out of this dress." Near said.

"Sorry, the angel costume stays." Matt said.

"Then I won't go." Near huffed.

"Ok, bye then." Mello waved.

"No Mello! I love you! Don't leave me!" Near cried and kicked some more.

"We'll be back later. We can do something then." Mello said and Matt and Mello left.

So Matt and Mello went and had a Christmas extravaganza. Near waited for five hours for them to come back. When they got back, they may have actually had a warm evening together by the imaginary fire in the apartment, sipping cider. Or just shook the Christmas tree Near was on, causing him to fear anything as high as him standing up. (Which would explain so much)

Near somehow tried to use the tradition of mistletoe to his advantage, and Matt threw him out onto the fire escape as an angel into 40degree (F) weather. Near kept them up all night, singing Christmas carols from the window. In the morning, Near's angel wings became real and he flew back to the SPK. But when he got there, they fell off and no one believed him when he said he grew wings.

**_The End, and Happy Holidays_**

* * *

I call this, relieved craziness from finals. I think me favorite part was the last part. Poor Near, I abuse him out of love. Really! Ask anyone I know. Yes, Bleach shinigami did carol to them. Oh noes! Yaoi hinting! LOL.

Mello's new weapon of choice- Christmas ornaments


	13. New Years

Ahh! Too many holidays! I don't get to write an original adventure because there's all these holidays I feel obligated to write about. Thank God this is the last one for awhile.

* * *

**New Years**

On a cold, morning on New Years Eve, Matt and Mello were sitting in their apartment, doing very important Kira casework. And as we know, their adventures have very little to actually do with the Kira case. So then…

"So Mello, It's New Years Eve." Matt randomly brought up from the couch. (Because most of these adventures ar random wnough to start...)

"Yes, I know it is." Mello said, unenthusiastically.

"What happened to you being all 'spirited' for the Holidays? Wasn't Christmas fun?" Matt asked, who was quite frustrated, after doing so much during the Holidays against his will.

"I don't know. New Years isn't very special. Well, 2000 was, but it's 2008. That's not a special number at all." Mello complained and went back to spying on random characters of Death Note.

"But it's an excuse to party and get drunk, make resolutions and pick up girls! Why don't you just think of that?" Matt exclaimed.

"Whatever." Mello shrugged and went back to Kira case stuff.

"C'mon. What's you're resolution?" Matt asked excitedly, with interest.

"Ummm, I guess catch Kira and…..beat Near, finally." Mello decided.

"That been you're resolution for the past four years or so! Pick a new one!"

"No! I refuse."

"Well fine then! I think I'm going to be more productive. Have you noticed I can be sort of lazy?" Matt asked.

"Really?" Mello said sarcastically.

"This is unacceptable! You dragged me so many places for Christmas, so now I'm doing the same!" Matt dragged Mello out the door and to the car. Mello gave up and desided, "Why not?" So Matt drove to the nearest bar, and even though they weren't quite 21 yet, the bartender was put in a situation where he gave them alcohol. He _foolishly_ asked if they were old enough to drink.

"You know, I still wonder how anyone falls for that hairdryer as being a weapon." Mello said from the table.

"Half of the people in this room are drunk and don't know the difference. Plus, I'm too lazy to get a permit for a real one. Now it's time to get drunk!" So, Mello and Matt got drunk. They drank a whole bunch of margaritas and beers and then Matt tried hitting on some girl and got hit in the face.

"Wow, nice job. So much for your 'New Years Plan.'" Mello pointed out.

"At least I'm not like that guy over there…" Matt pointed to a guy across from them.

"And then the stupid plant ate her!" The nerdy guy, with obviously no life, complained. "It's eaten everyone I've ever loved. I should have not fed the plant!"

"Drunk." Matt murmured.

"We're drunk too." Mello pointed out.

"Are you sure?"

"There's only one way to find out!" Matt grinned evilly.

"Ewww, I'm not doing that!" Mello yelled in disgust.

"Not that…something else…" Matt smiled.

* * *

"How did we even get up here?" Mello asked as he and Matt sat on top of the giant ball in Times Square. 

"I'm nots surez…." Matt mumbled.

"I can't even understand you! I guess I just hold liquor better. I bet I can also hold it better then Near. HA! Score, I win!" Mello yelled in triumph. Matt sighed. Down below, a loud, booming voice started to go over the thousands of people partying.

"Here it is folks. Only a minute away from the New Year!" The announcer said. The crowd cheered.

"Do you think someone will see us up here?" Mello wondered out loud.

"Ehhh…" Matt said, drunk.

"Oh my God! Can't we fall off this thing? It's all round." Mello pointed out. Matt was passed out. "Ahhh! Wake up! Before…." The ball shook. The gears creaked. And no one was there to here Mello scream as the ball slowly lowered itself.

"29!…28!…27!…" The crowd counted.

"We're going to die!" Mello shrieked and held on for dear life.

"PIE?!?!" Matt sat up quickly, suddenly awake.

"Matt! DO SOMETHING! Or we're going to fall off and plummet to our deaths." Mello commanded.

"10!...9!…8!…" The crowd continued counting from hundreds of feet below.

"Don't worry my princess! I'll save you!" Matt declared. He grabbed Mello unwillingly.

"Let go of me, you rapist!" Mello tried hitting him, and failed in being let go of.

"TALLY HO!" Matt cried and jumped off the giant ball onto a platform below.

"AHHHH!!" Mello covered his eyes. "Oh, we're not dead." Mello realized that they were on the platform, which was sturdy enough to hold them. "You can let go now." Mello said.

"Come princess! Back to the castle! I shall marry you now." Matt declared, still disoriented.

"What the..? Let go of me! This isn't one of your video games!" Mello yelled at him. Suddenly, Matt came out of it.

"What?…Ahh!" Matt realized what was going on and dropped Mello, ungracefully, onto the platform.

"Oww, my face! Does it _really_ need anymore scarring!? Why does God hate me and my face so!?" Mello burst out.

"Where are we again?" Matt wondered. Now Mello and Matt's drunkenness wore off a little. They were driving around, late at night, with nothing to do. 

"I'm bored." Matt finally broke the silence.

"You know what we should do? Pull pranks on people!" Mello declared.

"Awesome! Who should we hit first!? Near?! I got a random and convenient load of eggs and TP in the trunk." Matt asked and started towards the SPK.

"No…I have other ideas…" Mello laughed.

* * *

"OK, now I ring the bell, and when he comes out, egg him!" Mello instructed Matt. 

"Got it!" Matt said and hid behind a bush. Mello rang the doorbell and ran.

"Who's there?" Mikami came out and looked around. Matt egged him in the face and ran after Mello. "Damn kids! I will Sajuko your asses!" Mikami declared in his bathrobe. Mello and Matt escaped and moved on to the next victim.

* * *

Matt and Mello tossed rolls of TP over the roof and fences of a little shop in Karakura Town. 

"Hurry up, damnit, before that dude with the hat and clogs comes out!" Matt whispered to Mello. "Wait, how did we get to Japan in so little time?" Matt paused to wonder.

"OK, I'm done. Let move on!" Mello whispered back and they ran to the final victim.

* * *

"My Lord! Help me! My long-lost brother and his crazy girlfriend have ensnared me in this tree!" Vincent dangled from streams of TP in the trees. 

"Vincent, have you ever not been an idiot?" Guilt-Na-Zan shook his head from below and swung his Bat-Ax in an effort to get his bat servent down. "Great, I'm the one who's cleaning up the eggs too, aren't I?" Guilt-Na-Zan wondered.

* * *

Woot! I have surpassed my creativity block to bring you, my readers, this! I mentioned some crossover stuff, including _Little Shop Of Horrors_, Bleach and Vampire Doll. Yeah, I was in my school musical and it has warped my brain. **Cue Singing** And for anyone out there…Help me! I'm trapped in my house! Oh well. 

1 Death Goddess: Sure to bring you fan fiction entertainment to surpass the ages! And read Vampire Doll… **mesmerizes readers**


	14. Balls of Wool

Hehe. I got inspiration from _Chasers War on Everything: Ad Road Test _I just thought it was hilarious. So if you've seen the Chasers show, you may get this even more. But it's still funny if you haven't. Maybe the most random adventure yet…

* * *

**Balls of Wool**

Now, Mello got lost really easily in a big city. So he devised a way for him to not get lost. And one day, weather it was based on Greek Mythology or a weird Australian show, he had an idea on how not to get lost….

Mello pushed his giant ball of string in front of him. It was brilliant! This way, he could see where he's been and follow it if he got lost.

"I'm so smart." Mello thought to himself. "This plan is full proof!" And at the end of that very thought, Mello reached a great bunch of stairs.

"Shit! How am I going to push this up there?" Mello screamed himself. So, about ten minutes later, he arrived at the top of the stairs.

"Took you long enough." Matt said, standing at the top with him own ball of string.

"Matt! I found you! I'm so happy!" Mello said. "Don't you love my string? It's black. Because black is awesome."

"Yes I know. But I like red. It's prettier then black." Matt said and pointed at his string.

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"Blueberry muffin!"

"Wait...what?"

"OK…so, now what?" Matt asked.

"Well, what just happened summed up the entire point of this adventure. I don't know what to do next." Mello said. They thought for a moment, on top of their giant balls of wool string.

"I know!" Matt exclaimed. "We should randomly walk around the city and inconvenience people with our trail of string."

"Bloody brilliant!" Mello said and they started walking along next to each other with their string.

"Out of the way people!!" Matt screamed at people as they both almost plowed people over with their giant balls of wool. They hit a dog, a random old lady, a baby stroller, Takada and a group of American fan girls.

"Woo! That was fun." Mello sighed. "But now my string has become tangled. Ahh! It has my leg." And thus, Mello became hopelessly tangled in string. And Matt was left to try and get him out. After about five minutes, Mello started to be dragged along the ground.

"Ahhh! Something has my string! Help me!" Mello cried and was dragged even faster along the sidewalk. Matt chased after him, trying to free him. Matt looked ahead and saw that a bus had caught onto the string.

"Stop! Stop the bus!" Matt ran after the bus. It was only after four blocks the bus driver noticed and stopped the bus. Mello didn't feel very good after that, and that made pushing a heavy ball of wool slightly more difficult. Not only that, but also more things got caught in the string. Mello and Matt looked back to see other passer byes caught hopelessly in the black and red string. Mello and Matt shruged and moved on quickly down the street. Then, they came upon something interesting.

"Matt, what is that?" Mello pointed to a long, brown string on the ground.

"I don't know. Someone is copying us. Or, they're using the power of string to find us. But who do we know that had a brown theme going on?" Matt thought, having no idea. And, from behind them, someone laughed evilly. (Guess who!)

"Holy crap! It's Kira!" Matt gasped.

"No waii!" Said Mello.

"Yes! It's is I, Kira!" Raito exclaimed from atop a fire hydrant. "I've come to defeat you and claim myself as the God of this new…."

"Blah! Blah! Blah! I'm so sick of your 'I'm a God' rants. Just shut up!" Mello yelled at him.

"What he said." Matt shrugged.

"You dare deify me!?! Attack! My balls of wool!" Ratio shouted and raised his hands in the air, as if summoning something. And then magically, many large balls of wool appeared behind Raito and flew at Mello and Matt.

"Ahh! Run!" Mello shouted. And so they ran from a fierce volley of balls of wool. Matt and Mello pushed their own balls of wool in escape. They barely made it out alive. Not really. They were fine. They made their way safely to the top of another flight of stairs.

"Let's push our balls of string down these stairs and see how many people we can hit." Mello suggested.

"Fine." Matt said. So they pushed their wool and Matt screamed. He got caught in the wool, which can happens a lot, and went rolling down the stairs with the wool.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"Matt! No!" Mello said from atop the stairs. "Well that was fun. Too bad I didn't record that for America's Funniest Home Videos. That was gold." Matt finally landed at the bottom of the stairs. A bunch of people rushed over to see if he was ok.

"Hmmm, It's best I'm not seen. Who knows who could see me?" And then Mello went home.

* * *

_**Later….**_

There was a long awkward silence in the apartment.

"You suck." Matt said, from his wheelchair.

"What did I do? You're the one who got stupidly caught in a giant ball of wool." Mello pointed out.

"But you left me. Do you know how many people laughed when I told them what happened at the hospital? And the bills I have to pay?!" Matt explained.

"But it was for my safety. I could have been seen." Mello said.

"Seen!? You were seen all day! Even frickin' Kira saw you and attacked you." Matt complained.

"He could see me again. He scares my soul." Mello whined. Matt chucked a left over Christmas ornament at Mello head.

"Oww!" Mello rubbed his head.

"Haha. Now we're even." Matt said.

"Fine." Mello sighed.

"Wait! That's not fair that's not nearly as bad as everything you did. I want…."

**End!**

* * *

OMG Suspense! Remember, giant balls of wool can solve any directional problem. And they bring people together. Awwww! I have problems with cliffhangers. People hate me for it, but I do it anyways. (Makes them come back for more XD) 


	15. Cloverfield

My brain is on fire. I feel sick and I have much of the Homework. But who cares!?! Certainly not me. Saw Cloverfield the other day…. story time, children!!

* * *

**This Isn't Japan, It's Cloverfield St.**

As you know, Japan is famous for it's giant monsters, such as Godzilla and Gamera. (If you don't know who Gamera is, it's ok, my family are freaks and have these movies) So there are not really any giant monsters to attack while Matt and Mello are in NYC, or is there?….

_**Jan 18**__**th**__** 2008…**_

"Ok, it's like 11pm, do you think Kira is even awake at this hour?" Matt complained.

"Kira never sleeps, he's evil. Remember that." Mello pointed out and went back to spying and stuff like that. (Is that all they do? Maybe…)

_**Rumble! Shake!**_

"Holy Shit! What was that?!" Mello stood up.

"Mello! The Statue of Liberty's head just flew past the window!" Matt yelled and pointed at a green projectile object crash-landing to the ground.

"Holy Crap! To the roof! I want to see stuff explode! Cause that seems to be what the other people are doing." Mello said and ran up to the roof.

"Can't I just sleep?" Matt whined and uneagerly followed up to the roof. On his way up, a crowd of people running down the stairs ran over Matt. "Ow! I didn't need more serious injury!?" The Mello ran by, and stopped to wait for Matt.

"Oh my GOD! There's this thing! It's eating the city!" Mello screamed in a panic.

"Holy Crap! This isn't Japan! There shouldn't be any giant creatures destroying major cities!" Matt cried. So then, Matt and Mello ran down the stairs, out of the apartment and out onto the street. Masses of people were being led out of the area to the Brooklyn Bridge.

"We should follow them. We need to get out of here safely." Matt said and started with the crowd.

"That's stupid! The destruction always happens to the escaping people." Mello said. "We should find our own safe place." So Matt and Mello ran around NYC, randomly dodging giant monster steps. They decided to take shelter in a building. They went inside on of the apartments and turned on the TV.

_Announcer Lady: As you can see. The creature has broken the Brooklyn Bridge in two. Deaths so far are estimated to over one million…_

"Told you we shouldn't have taken the Bridge." Mello said. Matt made a mimicking motion behind Mello's back. So there were rumbles, and grumbles, and they two of them got hungry. But there was no food in the apartment. The person who lived here was obviously single.

_**Squeak Squeak!!**_

"What was that?" Mello asked. They looked up on the ceiling, where the sound had come from.

"Ahhh!!!" There we little mini monsters on the ceiling with scissor teeth. They jumped for the attack. Matt took a fallen metal stick and hit them with it.

"They just keep coming!" Mello noticed, and continued smacking the creatures with a random umbrella he found.

"Hey! This is just like Space Invaders!" Matt giggled and hit row after row of mini monsters.

"There's too many!"

"Find shelter! Hurry!" So Matt and Mello found refuge, in a small closet.

"Well, this is awkward." Mello said.

"Yep."

"So…now what?"  
"Just wait until the creatures leave I guess." After a few more minutes…

"Was that your hand?!?!"

"I'm sorry, It's small in here."

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Shut up…I think they're gone." Matt pointed out to the silence.

_**Rwar!!!!**_

Then the building crumbles around them. The monster has hit the building that they were in. Matt and Mello closed their eyes, fearing the end. When they opened them, they were still in the closet. Matt opened the door. All that was left of the building was their closet.

"That was lucky." Mello said.

"Sure." Matt said sarcastically. "Now I'm getting out of here... What the..! My apartment!" Matt pointed at the pathetic ruins of the apartment, which was now a fiery mass of rubble. "All my stuff was in there!"

"You'll get over it." Mello said.

"And what is that?!" Matt pointed at the sole building standing in the area. "How come the frickin' SPK is the only surviving building!?! Unfair!" Mello stared in awe. Then kind of had an angry spasm in the middle of the street.

"I'm leaving." Mello said. Matt followed, angrily mumbling to himself. They walked among the destruction for awhile. They finally walked out of the city and to the ocean.

"How'd we get here?" Matt asked.

"No idea." Mello said. So they just sat.

"Hey, look! Explosion!" Mello said happily and pointed as the Army nuked NYC.

"Woo…." Matt pretended to care. And then! Out of the smoke…the monster!

"Holy crap!" Both Mello and Matt screamed.

"We're going to die! Die! Di…" Mello cried until Matt slapped him.

"Get a hold of yourself. It's all the way over th…" Then the monster took a running jump and landed right in front of them. The two of them stood stock still as the monster sniffed them and then roared at them.

"Bad Cloverfield! No roaring at me!" Mello took a flying-by newspaper and his the monster on the nose. The monster whimpered and sat down with a Thud!

"Good monster." Mello patted the monster on the toe.

"I'm in a really bad monster movie, aren't I?" Matt asked himself.

* * *

Mello led his new pet, Cloverfield, to the edge of the Kanto region.

"Now go find Kira boy! Go!" Mello commanded, and Cloverfield ran into the city.

"Ahhh! Gojira!" The Japanese people cries and ran away.

**_The Return of Meanwhile…_**

"Why is there a giant lizard outside the window, Ryuk?" Raito asked.

"Beats me, that's no shinigami!"

"Ahhh!" And Kira was attacked, but survived, because he's Kira.

* * *

"Damn." Mello said, when Cloverfield returned without Kira. "I guess we can just go attack Switzerland and demand their supply of chocolate."

"Can we please go attack Near!?" Matt pleaded.

"Maybe later. First, Chocolate!" Mello said, and then Matt, Mello and Cloverfield made their way to Switzerland.

* * *

Fun Fact! For those who don't know, I heard the name "Cloverfield" was from a street name near where the movie was being created. This isn't the really ending, though, but it would be cool. 


	16. Chessecake and Laser Tag

OMG! Yay for Matt's Birthday. Special chapter time. Somewhat like my birthday **cough not really **but better. Need to make up for skipping Mello's Birthday. Poor, unloved Mello. I'll incorporate it…

* * *

**Chessecake and Laser Tag**

It was a cold February morning, but not just any February morning, it was a special February morning. Mello snuck into Matt's room at 6am and then to the side of the bed….

"Happy Birthday!" Mello jumped up and screamed. Matt didn't move.

"I said, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Matt still didn't move.

"Fine, don't get up. I'm leaving and you won't get a present!"

"……."

"Don't ignore me."

"……."

"Why are you ignoring me!?!?"

"……"

"Fine! Then I'm just going to marry Near and have five super-smart kids with him! Bye!"

"……"

"I hate you!" That when Matt finally started to wake up.

"Oh, hello. Guess what!? Today's my birthday, where's my hug?" Matt smiled. Mello almost killed Matt, but it was his birthday, so he couldn't.

"So what do you want to do for your birthday?" Mello asked.

"What do YOU think I want….?" Matt smiled.

"Whatever it is, not that. Pick something else." Matt thought about it. After ten more minutes of deep thinking…

"Let's go play Laser Tag." Matt decided.

"Whatever."

* * *

**At Laser Tag**

"So boys, what are your code names?" The teller asked.

"Mello." Said Mello.

"SuperHaloDestroyer." Matt said. "You have a lame codename, you know?" Matt told Mello.

"Like I care?"

* * *

**In the Dark Room**

"Duck and Cover!" Matt shouted.

"Kill them all!!" Mello yelled and blasted five more players.

"Ahhh! Crazy people!" The other players cried and returned fire. Mello and Matt got separated and hid separately.

"Mello! Mello! You take the noobs on the left." Matt said into the walkie-talkie that was clearly unauthorized.

"Right SuperHaloDestroyer. You get the rest." Mello responded back.

"Ahhhh!" And more chaos ensured.

**End of Session, Resulting scores…**

SRDandelion………..890

SuperHaloDestroyer...801

VBat………………..763

Yuni2……………….719

#1CuteAlbino……...560

Mello………………..559

IsaDhampir……..…...345

1DG………………...277

EatingGodzilla...…...203

CuruaQueen……...…119

Sakajo-er……….… -100

"What the…who is that person ahead of me!?" Mello looked at the scores.

"Sweet" Matt saw he got second. "Now it's time for cheesecake!"

"Cheesecake?" Mello raised an eyebrow.

"It's the most dairy-filled cake type I know." Matt said. So, after robbing the Cheesecake Factory of all the alcohol-flavored cheesecakes, Matt and Mello went back to the apartment to eat it all and get drunk on whatever alcohol was in them.

"Why did we get so much!? I'm going to die." Mello said.

"At least we have extras to chuck at the Sakura TV building next week." Matt pointed out.

"That's true. Hey, I have a question?" Mello asked.

"Uhhnugh." Matt said.

"Did we do anything for my birthday? I mean, we celebrated your birthday; I even bought you a Best Buy store. But I don't remember my birthday." Mello explained from his chair. Not really moving, because he was filled with cheesecake.

"Wait, when did you buy me a Best Buy store?" Matt asked.

"Oh yeah. Yesterday. Here's the keys." Mello tossed him the shiny keys.

"Yay!!!" Matt screamed. "Oh yeah. We got really drunk on your birthday. I guess that's why you don't remember."

"Then what did you even give me?"

"Love…."

"What!?!" Matt laughed at Mello's traumatized face.

"That face is one of the best present yet. Except killing Near, he shall no longer rival me…." And then Matt had violent daydreams.

**More presents Arrive via FedEx**

"Please sign here." The Delivery guy said. Mello signed and brought in the rest of the presents.

"Yay for more presents!" Matt cheered and started opening madly.

"From the Kiras…..it's a new pen set!" Matt read the card and showed him the pens.

"Special…." Mello muttered.

"From the Wammy House…..a bunch of crayon drawings 'Happy Birthday Matt, Go catch Kira.'"

"Wow, people sure know you well." Mello said sarcastically.

"From Near…. a card. It says, 'Happy Birthday, now look out the window, retard….' What?" Matt and Mello looked out the window and saw Near, holding a snowball Bazooka.

"Duck losers!" Near shot off the Bazooka into the apartment, killing everything in sight. Matt got knocked out and Mello got hit to the floor. "Woo! I killed Matt!" Near cheered and jumped inside the apartment. "Mello, I've come to…." But Near didn't finish, because Mello picked him up, and threw him out the door.

"And don't come back!" Mello said and slammed the door. Mello turned back. Matt was still unconscious. Mello felt bad and left a piece of cake by Matt, then went to bed. Matt would wake up eventually...

**Da End!**

* * *

Poor Near. He only wants love. Happy B-day Matt! I made Mello's score just one less, just to spite him. Sorry Mello, life's tough! I had fun making up Code names. Give you a chance to guess to a few of them. The first reviewer or e-mailer to guess seven of the names, _**besides Matt and Mello's**_, will have a **guest appearance** in the next chapter! 

PS: Some characters are from other mangas or Japanese stuff. Answers in next chapter...

PSS: This is _totally_ _not_ a ploy to get more reviews...


	17. Twisted Fairytale

Congrats to our **TWO** winners, there was a tie. The answers…**Revealed!! **

SRDandelion- That's Ichigo of Bleach. SR stands for Soul Reaper and his nickname is Dandelion.

VBat- That's Vincent from Vampire Doll. I briefly mentioned him in one chapter, he's a bat man.

Yuni2- This is Randolf from Pretty Face. My friend introduced my to the manga recently. I rather not explain…

#1CuteAlbino- I would be sad if you didn't realize this was Near…

IsADhampir- D of Vampire Hunter D. My first anime. Good times…

1DG- Umm...me!

EatingGodzilla- My family loves Godzilla movies. This is Orga, who almost **ate** Godzilla in Godzilla: Final Wars, until Godzilla blew his head off…

CuruaQueen- Kyoko of Skip Beat. A little known manga that I love. I guess that makes it almost impossible to guess….oops.

Sakujo-er- Again, I will cry inside if you didn't know this was Mikami.

Ok, now story with guests!…

* * *

**Hansel and Gretel**

A bunch of eager Death Note fan girls sat on the floor of a decrepit living room, with a roaring fire. In front of them, was a large, red armchair with a girl named Shi sitting in it.

"Are you all ready for the story of Hansel and Gretel, Death Note style?!?!" Shi asked them.

"Woooo!!!" They cried.

"I guess so…let's begin" Shi said and opened up the book and began….

"Once upon a time…" Shi read. "There were two kids named Mello and Matt. And they lived in a cottage in the woods with their Father, L and stepmother, Raito…"

"Wait! Why is Raito the mommy?" LL's asked from the floor.

"Because…I said so." Shi said and continued.

"One day, being the evil stepmother, Raito suggested that they throw Matt and Mello out into the woods, because they had no money to feed them, because L spent it all on sugar. This made L very sad, but Raito convinced him…"

"But isn't L rich?" LL's asked.

"Stop questioning me!" Shi commanded.

"But… being super smart kids, Matt and Mello over heard and made a plan. They gathered white pebbles and hid them on their persons. So when L led them out into the woods and lost them, Matt and Mello made their way back by the trail of pebbles they made on their way out." Being the German fairy tale this was, Mello and Matt have just one type of question…

"I just have one question." Mello asked the general reader. "Why am I in a dress?"

"And why am I in suspenders? I feel like a dork…" Matt asked. But that doesn't really matter.

"Damn, they made it home." Raito said as they returned home and made more dastardly plots. So he locked them in their room that night, so they couldn't get more pebbles….wow, that's child abuse." Shi read and commented. Everyone nodded his or her heads in agreement.

"So, the next day, Matt and Mello were led out again, and given a piece of…pieces of apples to eat. So they dropped those along the ground to find their way home. They fell asleep, because walking is hard work. When they woke up, they were alone. They started to follow the apple back, but then the trial disappeared."

"Damn, the shinigami ate the trail!" Mello cried.

"We're gonna die…." Matt shook his head.

"Never fear! I will lead us to safety." Mello declared.

"Yep, we're going to die…" Matt said and followed Mello to wherever.

"After many hours wandering about the forest, hiding from shinigami and fan girls alike, Mello and Matt came upon a wonderful sight. It was a house made of gingerbread." Shi told them.

"Why?" One fan girl asked.

"What about a chocolate house?" LL's asked.

"Fine! It's chocolate house." Shi gave up on them. "Being trapped in the woods also makes you hungry, and lose your general logic abilities, because you shouldn't eat a candy house, a pedophile probably lives there."

"Wooo! Chocolate!" Mello cried and attacked the roof of the house.

"So Matt and Mello started eating the house. And then…an old lady came out. Wait…no. I mean Near. Except he was in a dress, disguised as an old lady." The fan girls giggled with imagination.

"Hey, it comfortable." Near told the readers.

"Anyways, the 'old lady' told Matt and Mello to come inside and blah…blah…blah. And Near locks Matt in a cage. So sad. More child abuse."

"Awww." Whimpered some listeners. "So Mello was forced to do many things. And no, not _that_. Like chores and stuff, he was a slave child. Poor Mello. And Near wanted to eat Matt, even though that's technically cannibalism, and kept feeding him food, but the massive amount of thinking and plotting burned up all the calories and he didn't get fat. It was really quite a great diet plan that many people have been jealous of for many years: the Wammy diet. And blah…blah… 'old lady' makes a fire in the fireplace." The fan girls gasped.

"Yes! Oh no! Dinnertime! So 'old lady' told Mello to check the temperature. So he did, sort of."

_What the…the stove's not even on…_Mello thought

"Bullshit! You check it." Mello demanded. So yeah….Mello pushes 'old lady', who is really Near, into the fireplace and locks the door. But it's not on, he's just trapped. Later, Commander Rester finally found him and let him out."

"Near, why are you in a dress? And why did you make the SPK into chocolate?" He asked.

"Did I say you could talk, you insignificant character?!" Near growled.

"So Mello frees Matt and then they wander around like nosy, little children do, and discovered a vast sum of money."

"I bet Near stole that money." LL's suggested. Shi looked down slowly.

"No. So, they carried as much as they could home. Matt skipped home.

"Skippy, skippy…" Matt sang and skipped in a joyous child-like fashion. Mello opted out.

"And after finally realizing that their home was just next door, they came inside. And…ummm…Raito had died of a weirdly-timed heart attack and L missed Matt and Mello. And they weren't poor anymore, because of all the cash they stole. And I…am making this up as I go…..And they lived happily ever after." Shi finished and closed the book. The fan girls clapped.

"That was the greatest story ever…" LL's cried. Many fans were sniffling in happiness. The door to the room opened.

"Oh My God! Who are you people?" Mikami demanded, just coming home from work.

"We needed a place to meet and read, we picked your house because the Investigation Headquarters and SPK were to hard to get into." LL's explained.

"Get out of my house!" Mikami yelled and went for his briefcase.

"Shield your face and run for it!" LL's screamed. And then a stampede of fan girls ran over Mikami.

* * *

Thank you Shishishishi4444 and L Lawliet's for letting me use you as guests because you won my contest. I thought about the plot of Hansel and Gretel and planned accordingly. I would NEVER hurt Near. OMG that has to change first. And gingerbread is not Death Note-y, so it became chocolate. I thought it would be good of Near to find some way to get Mello over. Who knew that these kinds of stories were filled with so much child abuse? So, happy joy. 


	18. McDeath Note Story

**Trumpets**** blare**. I live! Wow, it's been like a month since updating. Anyways, sorry guys for the huge delay. I hope this chapter can make up for my slowness. I wonder how Matt and Mello would fair in the fast food industry. So get out your kettle corn and wait for the show to begin!

* * *

**McDeath Note Story!**

An innocent mother and her two kids are on their way home.

"What do you want for dinner kids?" She asked. And like any spoiled American child would say, they say,

"McDonalds!" So off they go to the nearest McDonalds. They go through the drive through. The mom goes to the speaker.

"May I take your order?" Says the most unenthusiastic male voice ever in service industry history.

"Yeah, can I have two kids meals, two milkshakes, a Big Mac, and…a salad?" She says.

"That will be $15.67. Please drive around." Says the unenthusiastic male. So she drives around to the payment window and it's….Mello! Who has the biggest I-Hate-My-Life face on. Readers are most likely confused at this point.

_**Flashback…**_

"Mello, we're broke." Matt said.

"Damn. What do we do?" Mello said.

"Hell if I know."

"What about everything I stole from the mafia?"

"Gone."

"Damn. Now what?"

"There's always getting a job." Matt suggested.

"NO! When will we spy on hot models who are potentially related to Kira!?"

"Oh. I thought we stopped trying to find Kira three chapters ago."

"No! We were simply distracted. So, this 'job' you speak of, where do we get one?"

_**End Flashback**_

Mello was sure they both could of gotten a way better job then this. But this was the quickest thing they could find. Mello handed them their change and sighed. He REALLY didn't want to do this. This is when Jim, the manager, walks up to Mello.

"Yo! Newbie! Your shift is over, now go mop the floor." Jim commanded.

"Shit no! You do it!" Mello yelled back.

"Hey! You want this job? Go mop." Jim pointed to the mop and bucket.

"Why am I constantly abused?" Mello asked himself.

"Ahh! Can't see! Steam is obscuring my vision!" Matt yelled and ran frantically around the kitchen. If you thought working the drive through was bad, you should try working it the kitchen. Not only was Matt constantly burned with grease, he had to wear a hair net, which was just damn embarrassing.

"Next order! Where's my damn combo?!" The mean kitchen head yelled. Matt tripped and it spilled everywhere. This is one of the many points in time he wished he hadn't accidentally sold his Best Buy store. It would have been the best place to work, ever! But he was reduced to this, which sucks.

"Screw this, I'm going on a break." Matt huffed and went outside.

_**Five Hours later…**_

Matt came back into the kitchen.

"Matt! Where the hell have you been!?! You took your break five hours ago and never came back!" Jim yelled.

"Chill, I was doing something productive." Matt said.

"Oh really, what?"

"I was taking my Nintendo dog for a walk. He was peeing all over the place."

"That is not productive! One more time and I'll fire your ass!" Jim yelled.

"I don't need you! What am I even doing here!?! I could be earning millions as a private detective!" Matt complained.

"Well, that's a lovely story. Now go clean the grease from the stove!" Jim pointed in a random direction.

_**Back to Mello…**_

"Can I get some food?" A boy asked.

"No! You're on a damn skateboard! This is a drive through for cars!" Mello pointed out loudly.

"Dude, just give me some fries."

"No! Now leave! Before I beat your left arm until you die from internal hemorrhageing" Mello threatened. The boy quickly left. Mello wondered, again, why the hell he was here. There were so many better ways to get cash. What was he thinking coming here in the first place? Mello slammed the annoying earphones for order taking on the counter and barged out into the kitchen.

"Matt! We're leaving."

"Yes!" Matt cheered.

"What were we thinking!?"

"I don't know. Teaches for taking drugs."

"Yeah! If I wanted to make money, I should of just written a book about a random case of L's, called Near 'big-headed' a bunch of times, and sold it to thousands of Death Note fan girls!"

"You should do that! Jim! We're outta here!" Matt cheered and started to run outside.

"Not so fast, slaves!" Jim blocked the door. Gasp!

"Never! We shall escape." Matt declared. "Because we are witty…"

"Just try…" Jim challenged.

"Fire!" Mello pointed. Every employee at the McDonalds got up from behind the counters and chucked Christmas ornaments at Jim. Jim used his unknown kung-fu techniques to destroy all the ornaments.

"MWAHAHA! You shall work here forever! You have nothing left." Jim declared. "Have fun with minimum wage!"

"Oh really?" Mello asked. Mello flipped open his cell phone and dialed. He whispered something into the phone and quickly.

"Our ticket out of here will be here in 3…2…1…" Mello counted. A large, red rocket ship came flying through the window.

"Holy sh…" Jim said. Out of the ship came a young man in a green cloak.

"This, Jim, is Gene Starwind, my homie, and he's gonna kick your ass." Mello introduced Gene.

"That is right, Mello. I will." Gene said. And after an awesome fight, better then any Gundam fight you've ever seen, Matt and Mello rode home in the Outlaw Star and decided to never work in fast food again. And Mello started writing a book. And Matt put his Nintendo Dog to sleep because it bit the virtual neighbors.

* * *

**_Tada!_**

IDG: I finally found you guys! You disappeared and I couldn't writing anything about you.

Mello: We were broke, so we needed money.

1DG: But don't I pay you for your adventures?

Mello: No!

1DG: Oh yeah…

Matt: I miss Nintendo Dog!

1DG: Well, it could have been worse. At least I didn't find you on a street corner selling yourselves.

Matt: How did you know about my other job!?!?

Mello and 1DG: **Gasp!!!**

Matt: Haha, just kidding. I just sell drugs.

Mello: **Typing…. **I am your narrator…

1DG: **Bursts into song **I am your narrator!!

I seriously wanted to sing that line from the BB Case Novel. It just seemed right. Anyways, I love that book. It is homer-ous. That's a new word! Learn it, love it…


	19. The Mall Adventure p1

**Gasp!** Well, here's part one, with, what now?! Something actually, possibly relating to the actual plot line. I think a black hole just formed somewhere. OH! BTW, if anyone knows how to watch the Death Note Final Conclusion thingy, I will love them. Torrents are complicated! And also…where was I the past months? I'm not sure...

**The Mall Adventure** **p1**

We see a pretty, young, intelligent girl walking down the street. No, wait. That's Misa. So yeah, Misa is going to the mall, because that's what girls do, like her. But she is completely unaware that she is being watched, from behind a bush.

"So we just follow her?" Matt asked.

"Yes, she will eventually lead us to Kira. I'm sure of it." Mello said. They both hid behind a bush, then slinked over to a light post, then a mailbox. This continued until they reached the mall. Finally, Misa reached the mall, and right behind her, like ninja secretly clothes-pinning people, Matt and Mello followed her into the mall.

"You really think that she'll give any clue about Kira while in the mall?" Matt questioned, who was bored.

"You never know. That's why we're following her. Really, she's are only lead…"Mello admitted. So they followed her as she went around the mall, first window-shopping. It was much easier to just blend in with the crowd then to hide under shrubbery. Finally, Misa walks into Hot Topic, because it would seem like she shops there occasionally. So, Matt and Mello also walk in, and they also have no problem blending in.

"What is she doing now?" Matt asked, and being somewhat distracted by some pants.

"Shopping." Mello said.

"So do we really need to be watching her?" Matt asked.

"Quick! She's leaving!" Mello pointed out and followed her out of the store.

"I love you Hot Topic…" Matt whispered and looked back towards the store.

**After more walking…**

"OK, now she's going into a beauty store." Matt said. "I don't want to go in there."

"Well, I guess would could just casually hang out and wait for her on this bench." Mello said and sat down. After a few, boring, long minutes,

"Oh my God! A candy store!" Mello cried and skipped into it.

"This happens every time we…Oh! GameStop!" Matt ran into GameStop like a sugar-induced child. After looking around with loving eyes, it quickly turned hateful.

"What do you mean you don't have anymore Metal Gear Solid 4!? You, sir, are a failure!" Matt told an innocent salesman.

"I'm sorry, sir. Can I offer you Guitar Hero…"

"NO! I'm done with you here. My heart is too broken already." Matt declared and walked out. As Matt walked outside, he met Mello, who had almost bought out the candy store.

"And you wonder why we go broke all the time?" Matt said.

"Hey, chocolate is cheaper, then video games at fifty dollars each!" Mello pointed out.

"At least I won't get fat!"

"Oh please, don't start that again. It was already confirmed earlier that if you use your brain enough, you burn all the calories. Plus, you'll go blind by the age if thirty from the small screens."

"Hey, do you think that it's weird when to guys start to sound like they are married?" A random passerby asked their friend.

"Yes, I think it is. Let's get some giant cookies." The friend replied and they walked away. At this point, Misa was done shopping and walked out of the store.

"Oh crap! There she is! Time to stalk…I mean investigate her." Matt said and they followed Misa again. She quickly went into another store.

"Ok, we really need to keep a better eye on her" Mello said. They went up to the entrance of the store.

"Oh no! I am NOT going in there!" Matt said. Misa walked into Victoria's Secret.

"Come on. It's not so bad. I bet that's where she meets Kira." Mello smiled.

"Yeah, but it's not at ALL weird that two guys without girlfriends walk into Victoria's Secret. It's not at all creepy…" Matt said, sarcastically.

"Well, what if one of us…"

"No."

"Don't worry it will be fine."

"No!"

"Do you even know what I'm talking about?"

"Yes, you think one of us should cross dress and pose as the girl."

"Well, yeah. Please?" Mello pouted.

"This will not be fun…" Matt concluded.

* * *

"I thought you were going to be the girl!?" Matt cried, while in a dress and wig.

"That's what everyone will expect. Take that Fandom!" Mello cried, to no one in particular, except maybe fandom. "Oh we are clever…"

"Where did you even get this stuff?" Matt asked, pointing to the dress and wig.

"That is a story for another time…" Mello said quietly. So together, Matt and Mello went were no man has gone before, and went into Victoria's Secret without a "real" girl. How epic! But they just ended up, hiding in a corner, trying to avoid any salesperson. When one tried to approach, they quickly ran to the other end of the store, surrounded by lingerie.

"Well, this is awkward, being surrounded by so many bras" Matt said.

"And yet….Hey, there she is!" Mello saw Misa and watched.

"I don't see Kira." Matt sighed.

"He's in disguise? Well, that's possible. It's funny we could never think that Kira is a girl. Throughout this entire series, we all refer to Kira as 'him'. I just did. And yet we suspect Misa to have been the Second Kira. So maybe Kira is a girl too." Mello inferred.

"Well, Misa isn't talking to anyone. I don't think she's on any current Kira-related business right now." Matt said.

"False! Oh look! She's leaving. Onwards!" Mello cried, and they both got out of there very fast.

"I hope she's getting a giant cookie…I want a giant cookie." Matt silently hoped.

* * *

OMG I'm alive. I'm not dead. Sorry for the delay, but I'll write more very shortly. I have much guilt. I actually went to the mall yesterday, and "researched" this story. Mello is always called a girl, so now he fights back, woo! There's a part 2, yay for that. Oh, and Death Note episode 35 is on my cable tonight. So sad! Bad-ness! I know the bad things that happen in the episode!

Matt: Why is it sad?

Mello: No time to ask, we need to go kidnap Takada now.

Matt: OK!

1DG: I love you guys… **Waves bye** :(

On another note, if anyone knows of a "popular" anime/tv character that has a huge gap in "screen time" (aka Matt and Mello during Vol. 11 or Ulquiorra after he fight Grimmjow in Bleach), please tell me. I need it for another chapter idea. Gratz!


	20. The Mall Adventutre p2

Part 2 yay

Part 2 yay! I'm so excited. It's Jenisa's 18th birthday today! Wooo! We are going to a concert. More Mall fun-ness. I enjoy big words…

* * *

**The Mall Adventure p2**

On the search for Kira, Matt and Mello have been following Misa around. And of course, while Matt changes back to normal clothes, they lose Misa.

"Damn, where did she go?" Mello asked. They had indubitably lost Misa in the crowded mall.

"I suggest we split up gang!" Matt proclaimed, and who watched too much Cartoon Network, but don't we all? So they did. Matt went one way and Mello went the other. They agreed to call the other when the target had been found. So alone, they wandered around the Mall. Mello thought that he should probably look in one of the big department stores, where there were a lot of people. So he went into Macy's, because it was so epically huge. After nearly choking to death while walking through the perfume section, Mello arrived at the jewelry section.

"Oh, shiny…." Mello drooled and stood there for a while, staring, because shiny things are hypnotizing. After finally snapping out of it, he saw there was an escalator in the store. Although you would expect Misa to be in the perfume and jewelry section, Mello thought maybe she was up stairs and slowly approached the top.

"Ahhh! Not again!" Mello screamed and ran back down the up escalator. As he arrived at the top, he was in the middle of the lingerie section, surrounded by lady's underwear. Three people were seriously injured by being pushed down the escalator.

_-ring ring-_

"Hello?" Mello picked up him phone. The caller idea said it was Matt.

"uhhhhh, dude, you need to come to Sharper Image." Matt moaned.

"Um, what's wrong with your voice? And why do I need to come to Sharper Image? Did you find Misa there!?" Mello asked.

"uhhhh, no, just come here." Matt insisted.

"What is wrong with you? You sound like…Ok, I'm coming!" Mello said and snapped the phone shut and ran to Sharper Image, seriously injuring more people. Mello arrived at Sharper Image.

"Matt?" Mello called.

"Over here."

"What are you…? Oh." Mello noticed that Matt was in a massage chair.

"Dude, they just let me sit here all day. Join me."

"Never."

"Come to the dark side, Mello. We have **giant **cookies."

"I see no cookies!"

"I'll buy you one later."

"Ok."

**-Three Hours Later-**

"Where do you think Misa went?" Mello asked.

"I don't know. I haven't moved in hours." Matt replied, somewhat asleep.

"Excuse me, you two. You need to leave unless you are buying something." A store clerk told them.

"Hey, screw you." Mello yelled.

"Get out or I'll make you." The clerk said narrowly.

"Hey! I have lived my entire life just so I can catch bad guys for you people! Did I get a wonderful childhood? NO! I'm an orphan and I was enslaved for years to become a 'great detective'! And now I spend my entire life blowing myself up and giving up on a sex life, just so I can bring you justice. So let me have one nice moment and let me sit in a massage chair until I'm pudding." Mello ranted. Before things got violent, Matt had to drag Mello out.

"Why does this always happen?" Matt asked himself.

"So where is my cookie?" Mello asked.

**-At the Food Court-**

"Nom Nom Nom." Matt and Mello ate giant cookies.

"So, I got a message from Ohba." Matt said while eating his cookie. "Apparently, we don't appear until the end of the next volume."

"Huh? Wait, why didn't she message me?" Mello wondered. "I'm important!"

"I don't know. But we get to go one some 'vacation' until we show up again." Matt said.

"Oh, I love vacations!" Mello cheered.

* * *

Yay, for random ending. But yeah, sexual innuendo. Again, if you know of a character that has a long absence in a series, give me a holler, (e-mail or review is fine) Anime or other! This chapter was also based on my own time in the mall.

Those Sharper Image chairs are so fun. You all know you've sat in one, even though you're too poor to buy anything in the store. Too bad I'm also too poor to buy one…one day I shall have it…

Giant cookies are good. And when I was in Macy's, I totally felt weird when I suddenly was in the middle of thongs and bras after riding the escalator, even though I'm a girl. Also, I've noticed that the Dryer's Ice cream containers _SHRUNK _to 1.5 quarts! How dare they shrink my ice cream amount and charge the same price?! It's just as bad when Jamba Juice started putting ice in the smoothies and charged the same price. Evil corporations…Ok, I'm done ranting.


End file.
